Letter to a DEAD BEAT dad (sperm donor)..........

A father strives to love you as God loves you.  He raises you with morals and values that should be the foundation of who you are. He’s there when you need him and when you don’t. He lets you know its okay to make mistakes by teaching you the lesson in the mistake. He does whatever it takes to make sure you have your basic needs met.  He teaches you to love others, to share and never be selfish, to pray, to be grateful and how to be humble. He is a protector, a motivator and an educator.  

The above description is far cry from what I experienced growing up.  In my opinion dead beat dads and sperm donors are interchangeable.  My father was not in my daily life. He only showed up and showed out when there was something in it for him.  I had no positive male influence in my life to help guide me thru the difficult times. I needed a father to help make decisions, and to show me how a woman is suppose to be treated. Of course, that never happened ...

What he doesn’t realize is that it hurt me not having him participate in my life. It hurt knowing he didn’t care enough about my well-being to call and find out how I was doing. He hurt me in ways he will ever understand. Although I have taken ownership of my bad decisions and some of the not so nice things that has taken place in my life. I blame him for not being a father. Therefore he can not take credit for the GOOD things in my life. 

This is not about me but my children.  This topic is near and dear to my heart especially now that I have children. I take it personal when my kids are mistreated by their father. This dead beat declaration has become an epidemic. It's disheartening to think a father, one of the two most important people in a child's life chooses not to be apart of something so special.  They even fail to provide the basic financial help to assist with their child's needs.  I have even gone so far as to purchase gifts and pretend they came from him. I am tired. Tired of feeling guilty for saying ‘No” when I should be saying yes. I also get my feelings hurt when my kids give him a “FREE PASS” and give me hell for something I can not control. This is a new era baby, I don’t and never will speak bad of my children to them like my mother did to me but they now know that lies are being told and its nothing to do with me.

 Out of frustration I wrote this letter below to vent. I have removed names of everyone involved only because I love my children.

Disclaimer: To protect the identity of my child and my bad choice in choosing what I thought was a man this person will be called “DEAD BEAT”.

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Dear DEAD BEAT,

I don't want to argue any more.  There is no need to call me and reaffirm that you have no money because on that point we are equal neither do I and I am not asking for money. Our child is loosing faith in your words. In the past our child has never said anything remotely negative about you however lately their comments are>>

"My dad does not do what he say he is going to do"

"My dad did not get me anything for my birthday or Christmas"

"How come my dad drives a fancy car, but he never has any money?"  

These are comments and questions that I am having trouble responding to for fear of telling them the truth about your trifling ass.  Your broken promises and lies are coming to the light.

You mentioned yesterday that I always ask you for money. Truth be told I only ask you for anything that is relevant aka needed not always wanted.  Dental care is the main thing. You may think our child having braces was not a good idea but our child teeth needed orthodontic intervention.  You pay child support (or when you did) which by the way does not cover medical or dental.  However you are required to help with anything over and beyond what my medical does not cover. For example >>>

Braces cost $5000 ins only covered $1500 of the cost, the remaining balance was out of my pocket. I have to pay 10% of the cost of the known medical issues and other tests. When our child hip dislocated I paid out of pocket for our child's care and I did not ask you for a dime.

I do not ask you to cover any of our child's extra curricular activities, and camps, nor do I ask for any contribution towards the growing feet fund for shoes,  trendy hair cuts, grown folk cologne, personal items, after school $ to hang out with friends. So you basically getting off easy with your small monthly stipend that you send (or use too), which does not consider electricity, cable, water and food all of which our child consumes. GET real dead beat!!!! 

Our child is growing up and is not crazy by far. Our child is noticing things about both parents good and bad. But one thing I DO NOT want is for our child to have a negative perception of their father, kind of like your view on your dad. Let’s keep it real, you still grieving that bike that didn’t show up as promised on your 8^th birthday.  So when doing what you do  best, channel that little boy that sat on the door step waiting, waiting and waiting for his dad to show up. Now put your child’s face on that kid to feel how it felt to be disappointed and lied too!

I have worked VERY hard at keeping a positive image of you and making sure our child loves you and is not tainted by our adult drama.  But it is getting harder and harder to cover your non sense. I love my child more than I hate you---------------I don't want my child thinking bad about their dad this is not for you but for him. Asshole!

You paying child support should not be about me but about him.  You doing for him is not putting money in my pocket but allowing me to also to do for him. Dead Beat, our child is a good kid, I have busted my butt, drained my pockets to keep our child on the right track. The only thing I ask of you is to be consistent and keep your word. Do not make promises you can not keep. The last thing you want is for our child to be 30 or 40 years old reminiscing about sitting outside on a door step waiting for their father to bring by the bike he promised yet never showed up. You love all your kids in between all that cursing you do, I know you love them and will do anything for them within means. In some ways you have a lost a lot with being away from them but you can have a different relationship with our child, they love you to the core. Make sure when our child  is older and talks about their  father its not poison or with contempt.

I have done right by all my children, no one can ever make me feel guilty about them regardless of whatever decision they make in life or path they choose. I have sacrificed a lot and do not regret any of it. Every penny you send via child support is for their well-being. Ask our child -- they know what you give and know what I do with it. You are an ass, a man, a father, ??? so why would you expect or event want another man taking that roll. Whatever my husband does should be bonus only. Be the man you claim when they were born by handling your responsibilities as a parent. Stop reflecting your responsibilities on others and blaming folks for your lack of fathership! GROW THE FUCK UP!

My opinion only.....You a grown man. Do what you do....at the end of the day we are going to need them like they need us now. Look at your dad, he cant ask you for nothing because of the way he treated you as child. Kids don't forget, remember you didn't.

When will the lies end, and the truth begin?

God Bless

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Reference:

www.deadbeatlocators.com/

Quotes:

"Deadbeat dads are like magicians, they pull lifetime disappearing acts" Unknown

"Deadbeat dads don't pay child support. They minimize their taxable income to cheat their kids" Unknown

"Deadbeat dads are the lowest life form on earth" Unknown