Her: Pause...silence
Him: Hello?
Her: Let me call you back.
She was surprised by her inability to respond in that moment when asked such a profound question regarding their troubled relationship. So many things had been going through her mind regarding their relationship and if they would last past this year. She asked and answered this very same question silently so many times and now of all times she was speechless.
Via text.....
Her: There is a lack of open, honest communication, insensitivity to the needs of each other, the past always seem to be relevant like a dark cloud, finances are a issue and I do not feel like number one in my own home.
Him: OK, lets get on the same page, I lead you follow. Communication: Put God first and he will speak for the both of us.
Her: I have no problem with following, but I need an example to follow. Until then we will continue to have problems. God speaks frequently, how often do you really listen? I'm just sayin..........
Him: The past? I am not sure how this applies or what you mean but it doesn't take much for the past to seem as the present. Remembering a bad experience is heavier than remembering a good one.
Her: You are right bad experiences are not easy to forget but whatever happen to forgiveness? You are always reminding everyone that God forgives and if He can forgive why cant we. If that is the case, how is anything that happened in the past relevant now? So many uncomfortable things took place in the beginning to both of us, but look how far we have come and we still together. God is good. Have faith in God that it is getting better and stop reminiscing on what can not be undone and use it as a stepping stone to be better.
Him: You are right. I will do better and not bring up the past into our present. I do realize that any and everything that happens now is a result of what is going on now, but to be honest it is not easy to forget because some of the things we are dealing with reminds me of the pain of the past. Like I said, I will do better....
Her: I guess that is all I can ask is that you try. thanks. Now what about finance issues.
Him: Put your head down and pay your bills.
Her: I do not have a problem paying my bills, I have an issue with you not wanting or preparing to spend money after the bills are paid. Saving to secure our future is fine, but we still need to enjoy ourselves during the journey.
Him: Spending money makes me shiver and I literally get sick on the stomach but seeing you happy and enjoying yourself makes up for the discomfort. I or we can plan do something and put money away that way we both get what we want.
Her: I guess. Lets both come up with some money friendly dates and things to do.
Him: Agreed.
Her: Agreed.
Him: I think motives need to be examined and respect needs to be established. Words are the things of growth, fertilizer to dreams and accomplishments to life, and also it is the fertilizer to failure, hate and death. Words are powerful.
Her: Words, Deed and Thoughts are powerful. Respect trumps them all...if respect on all levels are established the others will fall in line. And it takes faith, work, and commitment. Communication: We should be able to talk about the simple and tough things that gives us pause, whether its the kids or money, we should be able to talk without fear of retaliation. Needs: I need to feel appreciated, I need to know you are listening, I need you to acknowledge it even if you do not agree with it, I need you to be in the moment, I need to be number 1, I need you. Meeting the needs of others is not easy and I do not expect you to be perfect but at least try. Past: The past can either build you up or take you down. We all have baggage. Baggage from childhood, past relationships even baggage from a bad experience at work yesterday. If you are human and lived, I know you deal with memories whether good or bad from the past. Releasing old, bad memories is key in moving forward, its actually exercising FORGIVENESS. Staying shackled to the past will only hold you (us) back from moving forward. In my experience....in my life, I know I carry baggage, but I pray everyday that I do not let it hold me down. The only person that will have power over me is me and living in the past is allowing someone else to control your future. Finances:Whew tricky....I like spending, you don't.. I work hard and want what I want when I want it! Easy....? Nope. I recognize that we need stability, and that it will be a time when work is not a option and I am prepared to prepare for that with you. Lets create a realistic budget that includes saving for the future, but also enjoying today.
Relationships are not easy, frankly they are hard and finding the answer to a perfect relationship is not easy and impossible to achieve. There are books, advice but at the end of the day, you have to do what works best for you and each other in the relationship. Identifying the problem is not an easy as it seems and at some point, as an active participant in the relationship stop pointing fingers and look at yourself and the role you play.
Pray daily~
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Recipe for a Happy Marriage
1 cup consideration
1 cup courtesy
2 cups flattery carefully concealed
1 gallon faith and trust in each other
2 cups praise
1 small pinch of in-laws
1 reasonable budget, a generous dash of cooperation
3 teaspoons pure extract of "I'm sorry"
1 cup contentment
1 cup each of confidence and encouragement
1 large or several small hobbies
1 cup blindness to the other's faults
Flavor with frequent portions of recreation and a dash of happy memories. Stir well and remove any specks of jealousy, temper, or criticism. Sweeten well with generous portions of love and keep warm with a steady flame of devotion. Never serve with cold shoulder.
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